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disappointment but tomorrow is a new day.

I am not a happy person. I have always been this way. I am quite used to doing things on my own and I am rather comfortable with my own company. Today I was reminded that interaction with other people while may be ok, it is a capital mistake to rely on them. If you are going to do so, make sure to have a backup plan on the off chance that they let you down.

I do not know if this is the case with everyone else but for me, whenever I relied on someone to do a job and havent considered the possibility that "they will not let me down", ... I have always ended up being disappointment. I guess all of us have our own agenda and self preservation in mind, so in away you cannot blame someone else for letting you down; you have only yourself to blame for not considering the possibility that things will not go according to the way you would hope and look up alternate options. Nevertheless, you cannot help feel disappointed and sad when this happens.

But the question I have is how do you treat a person that failed you? Would you just let it go and think " well I am sure he/she had a good reason" and move on but help them if they ask your help. Or just completely cut off all contact and fuck them at the first opportunity you get ( simply, declare war) . To me both these options sound extreme. So the question is how to find the middle ground.

Anyway, I thought I would write it down so that it would help me to come up with an answer.. and then move on to the next thing. Either way there is no point thinking about it.

Hope you will have a great day tomorrow.

Doing Phd while serving time at Cranshank..

Today I cleaned my office and threw away most of the things I meticulous printed and filed for 3.5 years. It was not great, as I was a bit sad to leave the place I was sleeping, eating, and occasionally studying for the past few years.

Doing PhD isnt wonderful; it takes dedication, stamina and certain amount of balls. But one hopes at the end of it , that one will get something worthwhile. It wasnt all bad, I really liked what I studied and to be honest I am glad I did it. But as it is the case with most things, it is only a pleasurable experience when you look back at it. When you are going through it, you feel alone, small and mostly miserable. Some of you ( doubt any one ever reads this though..!)might disagree with me, but from what I have seen and experienced, doing a PhD is like trying make love to Aphrodite while lying on a fucking bee hive. Does that make any sense.. possibly not.. ..

Clearing out Challenge ...

So many late nights.. So much brain Damage!

A bit of recycling..

Its not all bad.. The view is quite good..

Anyway, its time for tea I think.....

Putting Small Business Assistance to a Vote

The prop to use when explaining the Chaos theory to a 5 year old

Make sure to use larger font underneath and say " Chaos theory= A day before a college student vacate his dorm room"

where no man has gone before..

Today, is a turning point in my life. What better way to mark the occasion than to start writing a blog.

So far, I have led a life most constricted in many ways. I have studied got degrees and things but .....some how its not really satisfying; a monotonous existence which will eventually end it death.

Why today some one may ask? No real reason, is the answer to that. Its one of those days that you think what the fuck am I doing with my life. I must tell you that, this is not the first time I thought "what the fuck am I doing with my life". But never before I thought that I should do some thing to change it. There were many reasons for that I suppose but there is point where you just have to say " fuck it " and just go for it.

From now on I promise not to waste a single second but try to be as productive and work towards fulfilling my goal. What is my goal? Simple. To be free. Just be free.... My idea of being free is not to open up a little hotel right on the beach and take the guests out charter fishing…but I am sure you get the point. What is so special about today is that I think it is a great day to melt down the shackles.

As far as all time August 19th resolutions go, I think mine is a good one. Lets see how it goes.